The Definition of Insanity
by NoGrayZone
Summary: The definition of insanity is Kristen van der Woodsen. After Serena's twin sister comes back from boarding school almost a year after she does, the reactions on the Upper East Side are as priceless as Cartier. Here's a hint, though: a certain queen bee might not be too happy about it… XOXO, Gossip Girl *I couldn't find the Gossip Girl TV category, so its in books. Sorry!*
1. Introduction

He recognized her. She recalled him immediately. His father didn't know her, after all, he couldn't tell the difference between her and her twin. After all, her hair was dyed a coppery red, something that threw everyone off when trying to tell the difference between the two of them after she dyed it. When his father left, with an amusing smile on his lips, she sashayed her hips closer and closer towards him.

"Oh, how I've missed you, Chuck Bass." She said gravelly, running her hands through his hair, wanting more than anything to shower him with endless kisses.

"I know who _hasn't_ missed you." Chuck pulled away, giving her a look of sincerity and obviousness.

She sighed. "Is she still mad?"

Chuck sighed. "She told me she hasn't told anyone else so far. About you. About what you did."

"We. What _we_ did. That's good, I guess. And don't say anything to Blair about us. I want to tell Serena first."

"How do you know about Blair and I?"

"She told me so. We've been keeping in touch, even though Serena lost all contact with her when we left.

Chuck smiled at her. "See you in the Hamptons, K. Now we can finally get this party started.

"You sound like Gossip Girl."

With a cocky smirk and squinting brown eyes, Chuck leaned in and planted an electrifying kiss upon her lips. "I know."

She turned around, a familiar movie star-type smile appearing on her lips, and walked away.

"I hope you missed me as much as I missed you, Manhattan." Breathing in the strong smell of city smog and her Victoria's Secret perfume, she continued with crystal clear conviction. "Because Kristen van der Woodsen is back."

Hey, so this isn't my first story. My first story was on my first FanFiction account, and it was in Total Drama. I used to write Total Drama and the Clique stories, but now I don't. I missed writing fan fiction, and I FINALLY finished watching Gossip Girl (rewatching for the second time, now), which inspired me to write a fanfic. It's set at the end of season one, when Chuck stands Blair at his helipad, and sleeps with his dad's interior decorator. I'm just warning you, since the show was iffy about what age Serena is when she leaves for boarding school, so the chronological part of this story might be a bit off. I've written only book series with an editor, so I'm hoping it isn't that bad. I'm also not going to write this story for reviews, but I'll wait a few days or so for the intro's reviews turnout (if there are any).

Ciao, FanFiction world!


	2. Only the Lonely

***Before you begin reading: Serena came back from boarding school during the summer before eleventh grade. She left during the summer before tenth grade. Kristen left at the same time but came back during the summer before twelfth grade. So basically, Serena was gone for a school year, while Kristen was gone for two school years. Gahh! Had to get that cleared up :) Read on!***

* * *

 **Where: van der Woodsen Hamptons house, Easthampton, NY**

 **When: August before twelfth grade**

 **Why: Trying on clothing for the Vitamin Water white party**

"…S, it's fine!" Kristen van der Woodsen heard the normally glacial and queen-like Blair Waldorf let loose a laugh that would rival Spongebob's.

She smiled, happy memories shooting through her brain like a firecracker.

"If you say so, B. But you should wear either the D&G or the Lilly Pulitzer. Oh, I can't decide! Put on the Dolce again."

 _Ah, Serena. Being slightly indecisive as usual._ Kristen thought amused as she followed the noise and the excessive smell of Blair's signature Chanel No.5.

Her Manolos clicked musically on the walnut floor. Kristen smiled slightly. She remembered _clearly_ that rainy day in late April back in seventh grade when their mother had called a car and hailed them to the Hamptons in order to meet their feng shui decorator.. She and Serena had done their homework in the vehicle while laughing at the latest mishap. Quickly, nerves took over her.

 _What if Chuck was right? What is Serena is still angry?_

Kristen leaned into the intricately engraved mirror, Tiffany-box-blue eyes wide. She had finally washed the red dye out of her hair. After all, if Kristen were to come back, she needed to be who she truly was. She flipped her wavy, dirty blonde hair over her shoulder.

 _I'm ready. I'm mother-effing ready. Even if I'm not, I'll pretend like I am._

"Bonjour, bitches." Kristen greeted the girls cooly. She was too nervous to pay attention to the fact that both her twin and her best friend were scrutinizing her outfit with admiration and possible jealousy.

Serena abruptly dropped the Scandinavian vase that Claus with a C—Danish Claus—had given their mother as a present. Soil spilled out of its shattered shards on the ground.

"What?" Kristen tilted her head to the side—just enough to be considered inquisitive, not enough to be creepy—and smiled. She smoothed down her glittery Altuzarra top and crossed her arms. Leaning on one beige heel and popping her left hip she smirked. "Miss me?"

Serena sucked in deeply. Blair's eyes were as wide as diamonds.

"K-k-kristen?" Blair stuttered. Throwing off the five-inch Louboutins that adorned her petite feet, she ran over to Kristen and engulfed her in a bear hug. "Kristen fucking van der Woodsen!"

Kristen knew Blair must had missed her a lot, as Blair had always said that "Cursing is for the lower class, and those who stub their toes severely. Not us.", so she knew this was serious.

She towered over the brunette in her sky-high heels. "Hi, Blair!" Looking up, Serena glowered from her haven of designer clothes.

"Serena?" Kristen asked her sister, a smile playing on her lips. "Did you miss me?"

Serena said nothing. She blinked a few times, but no words were uttered from her mouth.

"How about all three of us get together at Sforzando's?" Kristen asked. "I could go for Italian."

"There'll be food at the party, Kristen." Distain seeped through Serena's voice. "And Italian comfort food is not what I need. I need American food. Which is what will be at the party."

The room was silent.

"Wow, Serena. I certainly didn't miss your dramatics." Kristen remarked sarcastically. "Anyways, while I was in Spain I had a few clothes tailored for me, and I had mom bring a dress or two over here."

"Because there's always a party going on here." Blair laughed. "Okay, well, I need to get back to Southampton. My mother's massuse is waiting for me at my house."

On her way out, Kristen hugged Blair again. "See you there! I can't wait to meet your new boyfriend." She shut the door behind her friend and turned around to find Serena glaring at her.

"You always have to do that."

"Do what?"

"Act like your better than me."

"Being sanctimonious?" Kristen raised an eyebrow. "I swear on Dior that I'm not doing that."

"Yeah, that. Even when the truth is that you're so much worse."

"Okay, look. I'm sorry I didn't text you after you came back. But right now I think your being too paranoid."

"I don't know, Kristen. It kind of hurt that you were in touch with Blair, but not me."

"Well, how do you think she felt?" Kristen turned around. " _I_ played the role of the dutiful friend, not you. Do you not remember our game?"

"The game is exactly what I feel bad about!" Serena exclaimed. "And in a game of S and S, your job was the first 'S', not the second one! The second one is what Blair hated me for! I explained our game to her, but all she said was 'At least Kristen didn't sleep with my boyfriend'. It was our first time playing, and it was already a disaster."

Kristen sighed. "I apologize. Can we just get along? Please? I actually did miss you. "

An uneasy fake smile appeared on her face.

"Our old roommate left during the second semester of last, so I had our room all to myself."

"You don't say." Serena muttered. "You know she drugged me the night before the SATs, right?"

 _So maybe I have missed out on more than small experiences._

"No, I didn't know this. Catch me up?"

"Always." Serena smiled and linked arms with Kristen. They walked up the stairs arm in arm to see Kristen's dress. "So, right now I'm fake-dating Nate, so don't tell anyone its fake. He needs it to look real."

"Got it. Anything else?" Kristen mused.

"Much more. Much, _much_ more."

* * *

"Kristen's here!"

"Hey, Kristen!"

"K's back."

"Serena's twin is back from boarding school."

"Why was she there for two years instead of one?"

Kristen grabbed a glass of champagne off of a waiter's stack. She chugged it. _I'll need at least four shots of vodka to deal with this tonight. And what I'm going to tell Chuck._

"Kristen, I need to ask you something." Chuck appeared behind her. "Whe—"

"No, before you start, were done." Kristen hissed. "You know, a gentleman would have the common courtesy to tell his—actually, I don't even know what we are—that he's her _stepbrother_."

"Kristen, I didn't tell you because—"

"You didn't tell me because what? Because you love me?" Kristen's vision blurred as tears filled her eyes. "You don't love me. You love Blair."

"I wanted to ask you—"

"…and your just angry that she's with that Lord Marcus guy." Kristen slowed down. Two elderly women in white pantsuits and matching floppy hats looked at them haughtily. She lowered her voice. "Sorry. I keep interrupting you. What were you going to say?"

Chuck took a deep breath. "Well, it sounds bad when I say it out loud, but I was actually looking for Blair."

Kristen opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water. "And they say your a douchebag. You know that, right? Everyone else, even _Blair_ who you love so much hates you."

"Everyone but you. I lo—"

"No you don't. And everyone "but one" has just turned into everyone." Kristen scoffed. "Go. Now."

He turned around continuing his search for Blair. Kristen took deep breaths to keep herself from completely breaking down.

"Serena!" Kristen heard Nate yell. She stormed away, high heels clicking angrily.

"Serena!" She heard footsteps behind her and a hand on her shoulder. "Why are you ignoring—"

Kristen turned around. "Nathaniel!"

"Kristen, hi." Nate hugged her. "I thought you would stay Knightly for senior year. What happened?"

"Nothing, really." She said vaguely. "Reasons."

"Oh." Nate looked around. "So, this is a weird thing to ask, but Serena was my cover for something, and she's not here, so…"

"Cover for…her?" Kristen glanced at a brown-haired lady in St. Johns. She in her mid-forties and was laughing with her friends and her husband.

Nate looked bemused. "How did you know?"

"Serena told me." Kristen looked up at Nate with a sneaky smile on her face. "What do you need me to do?"

"A kiss?"

"Pucker up, sweetheart." She joked.

Kristen leaned in and planted a kiss on his lips. He began kissing more and more forcefully until they were in a heated makeout session in front of, well, everyone.

The brunette glared at her, miffed. She stalked inside of the large Easthampton estate. A boy with brown, curly hair and a white suit and tie stood disbelieving in front of them.

"Really?" He rolled his eyes and walked away.

Serena stormed up behind her. The differences between the two of them that day were noticeable if someone were to pay attention. Serena's hair was down and that Kristen's hair was pulled into a curly chignon. Her dress was thigh-length, silkier, strapless and was made by an unknown fashion designer in the South of Spain while Serena's dress was from Herve Leger, knee length and a lot tighter.

"What did you do?" Serena asked Kristen, eyes wide. Sudden realization hit her. "Oh my god, Kristen. Dan doesn't know you. He only knows me, and we have a history. Stay here, let me talk to Dan."

She walked away, sighing.

Kristen bit her lip.

* * *

Gossip Girl:

Seeing double? I think not. Turns out **S** 's twin sister is back from a two-year stint at boarding school. Sure, **K** has missed a bit, but it doesn't keep her from starting new drama! **K** , spotted arguing with **C** about matters of the heart. Has anyone even seen **Lonely Boy** yet? I have, and he was spotted making a scene after a **K+N** liaison.

After all, they say August is the hottest month of the year: now we know why: **K** 's back, and if you think her twin, **S** is sometimes crazy, **K** is probably the definition of insanity.

XOXO,

Gossip Girl

* * *

"Kristen, I want to go home." Serena sidled up to her twin. "And not CeCe's cottage, home."

"Can we leave tomorrow? I haven't been here in forever." Kristen pleaded. "There are people I want to talk to. Speaking of which, I need to talk to you, by the way."

"Deal. And we'll we talk at home?"

Kristen nodded and then smiled. "I think we should have lunch with Dan tomorrow. He ought to know who I am, especially since he'll be my brother-in-law one day."

"Kristen!" Serena playfully punched her and then gave her a quick hug. "I'll go now, we can have dinner at Svorzando's and go home tomorrow. No lunch. We broke up."

"Okay, whatever you say."

"Bye."

"Ciao!"

Kristen turned around as the sound of the clicking heel of Serena's Giuseppe Zanotti's grew fainter as they got further and further away.

Three girls, both in matching white dresses, jewelry and shoes approached Kristen. She towered at least two inches above them.

Kristen glanced back and forth between them. "Umm…hi."

"I'm Kati, and she's Isabel."

"Kati, Iz, I think I remember you." Kristen recalled slowly. "Blair texted me a while ago about minions."

"Well," Isabel blinked and made a scornful expression. "We don't listen to her anymore."

Kristen glanced around, not really caring. _Where's the bar?_ "Good for you, then."

The three were silent.

"Okay then, I'm going to get going now. Nice seeing you." Kristen broke the awkward silence and turned away.

The two followed her.

"Blair!" Kristen grabbed her friend's arm. "Chuck was looking for you."

She shifted uncomfortably. "You would know."

Kristen's heart palpitated at a terrifying rate. "What?"

"I said, you would know." Blair glared at Kristen angrily. "The day we were going to go to Tuscany was the day you came back. If you hadn't come back, he wouldn't have left me."

She sighed. "Blair, I'm sorry. He didn't tell me that—"

"—that you were step siblings?" Blair scoffed. "Figures. You van der Woodsens are all the same. When school starts on Monday, you won't see me welcoming you with open arms. Come on."

She began walking away. Iz and Kati remained behind Kristen.

"Seriously? You stole my minions too?" Blair stormed away. "I'm going to find Lord Marcus."

Kristen sucked in a giant gulp of air and walked away. "Get me a plate of food and a glass of vodka or champagne. Or both."

The girls retreated. Kristen sighed. _Oh my god._ Puling out her phone, she checked typed out an S.O.S to a friend.

* * *

Kristen: Matt, are you at the party?

Matt: The white party? Yeah. I have a few clients that goes to these types of events.

Kristen: Put the LSD in the second drawer in the first bathroom on the first floor. I'll leave $2,000 in the same place.

Matt: $2,500.

Kristen: $2,050. I'm not paying any more than that.

Matt: Fine. I'll do it now.

* * *

She bit her lip. Kati and Iz came back with food and a drink.

"Thanks." Kristen took the plate and the cup of vodka from them. "I'm going to use the bathroom, and, well, you really don't need to follow me."

They smiled and walked away.

 _Serena really needs to catch me up more._

"Now to the bathroom." She power-walked inside the house, into the bathroom, and slammed the door shut. Slowly turning the lock, making sure that no one could come in, she glanced in the second drawer and looked up.

There was nothing to be found.

"Matt!" She screamed through her teeth. _Damn it._ She rinsed her face, annoyed, and redid her bun.

Storming out of the bathroom, she almost ran into a red-haired woman.

"I'm sorry!" Kristen apologized quickly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." The woman said, dusting herself off. She looked up and down Kristen, seeming to scrutinize her every detail.

Kristen backed up. She had been used to being looked at by guys, but never girls. "Ummm…"

"Sorry!" The woman looked up and grinned. "How do you feel about modeling?"

Kristen contemplated for a quick second. "It seems cool, but I don't think I could ever be a model."

"Really?"

"Yeah. A year or two ago my social studies teacher showed us a documentary about modeling. It wasn't pretty."

"Well," the woman stopped, dug through her bag, and handed her a business card. "You could try it, see if you like it and then turn it into a career."

 _A distraction does sound nice._ "Yeah, sure, I'll try it."

The worman began walking away.

"Wait!" Kristen called. "I have a twin. Could she come?"

"Yeah, of course bring whoever you want. No more than three people, and what's your name?"

"Kristen van der Woodsen."

"Aimee Rydell."

"Nice to meet you, Aimee. I'll think about it and give you a call."

Kristen smiled to herself as she walked off of the property. Although her world could be snotty and overwhelming, she knew that she had to come back.

It was her home, after all.

* * *

 ***AN: I did say that I'd post in a couple days,** **didn't I? So what do you think?**

 **Kristen van der Woodsen, impeding druggie with so many secrets...**

 **Tell me what you think, R+R.***


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